any thoughts...

Little back story...

Back when Jake and I were planning our wedding, I made arrangements to have some bridal pictures taken. You know the ones of just the bride in her beautiful wedding dress. I had planned on them being displayed at our reception and then a few being apart of our wedding album.

Well, about a week or two before this little photo shoot was to take place, I noticed that my clothes had begun to feel little snug, so I visited the scale. I had, evidently, put on just about 15 lbs. since I had bought my dress, 2 months earlier. I immediately tried on my dress.

Yeah, there was no getting that zipper past the half way point.

I went into get the alterations done, but I wouldn't be getting the dress back until the week before the wedding. Leaving no time to get my bridal pictures done.

I then figured, I'm still, technically, a bride after the wedding, so I'll just get them done after the honeymoon and everything. But, of course, as soon as I set up another appointment, I find out I'm pregnant. Which would not have been a problem, except for the fact that the soonest I could schedule an appointment was 2 months down the road. I didn't know if I would still be able to fit into my dress by then.

So, I canceled the photo shoot.

Here is my dilemma :

I am, now, well beyond the "new bride" title, seeing as Jake and I just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary, and I am also a mother of two, adorable, little girls.

But, I still would like to have some bridal pictures, in my amazing wedding dress, that I really only get to wear once.

Is that completely outlandish, now that I can fit back into my dress, to finally get my bridal pictures done?

some clouds are lifting and the sun is peaking through...

 This afternoon, I finally did my trial run of loading the car, for our trip back to Las Vegas. Yes, you read that correctly, I practice loading my car for road trips, I know I'm weird. But, the good thing is that everything fits in the trunk and I even still have extra room in the trunk.

This is a YAY moment for me and a little victory. If you read my last blog entry you know I like planning things. Well, this little victory means that at least ONE of my plan is going to work out. I'm really happy right now.I'm even starting to get excited about the trip or I guess I should say trips.

I can start to relax, because now I know that the girls and I will have a confortable drive, with lots of room to spread out as needed.

Things are going to be just fine!!

(and yes I know it's weird that this happiness is due to my fitting everything into the trunk)

I see the silver lining :)

hurry up and WAIT!!!

I'm crouching at the starting line of the race. I can feel the excitement filling my entire body, tension building through my legs, my feet begin to shake with anticipation, and my ears strain to be the first to hear them yell, "GO". It's intense!
That's how I've felt for the last few days. We're so close and yet so far away.

We still have a week until we leave for Las Vegas, another week before Jake's graduation, and then at least another week before we find out which unit Jake's going to be in and ultimately find out his deployment dates.

I've never had to be SO open to someone else deciding my future. I've always had at least the next 6 months planned(whether or not what I had planned was what actually happened was a whole nother story). But, I at least could plan that far in advance. Now, I have nothing. I have know idea what's going to happen next.

I'm a planner. I like to be able to pretend to have an idea of what's going to happen. A general idea of what to expect and then you can bring on the unexpected and the spontaneous. I don't mind changing the plan, but I want to have a plan to start with. I want to make sure I don't forget anything or make more needless work for me.

I hate that I'm having to pack up everything, because I have no idea when I'll be back!

I guess this is my lot in life...to learn to go with the flow...to be willing to allow myself to be surprised once in a while. Jake says that's the hardest thing he's ever tried to do, is surprise me, because I always have to know what's going on and ask too many questions. (I blame my Aunt Tammy for the last one. She told me to start asking lots of questions, and I guess I never stopped :))

I don't know why it's so hard for me to relinquish control. I actually like being surprised. I'm weird like that I guess. I'm an walking contradiction.

That reminds me of a way my brother described me once, a "conservative-hippie".

Like I said, I'm a walking contradiction :)

Oh well, what doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger.

Something tells me, that all of this is preparing me for a much BIGGER challenge later.

So here's to smiling and making the most of this crazy life that I'm living. I hope I learn how to truly enjoy the ride and find pleasure in the journey.

I can definitely say, my life is not boring :)

It's all in your MIND...

I've been waiting for 6 months for this and now that's it's here, I'm wishing I had more time. Jake's graduating from AIT, FINALLY! Which means packing EVERYTHING and heading back to Las Vegas.

This really would not be quite as daunting of a task, if it were not for the fact that Las Vegas is not the ending destination, but only the BEGINNING.

From Las Vegas, we head to Fort Huachuca, then back to Las Vegas, and then we move to Fort Hood. Basically, we will be traveling/moving for 3 weeks, with few breaks in between. On top of all that, the girls and I could be heading back to Salem, shortly after we get to Fort Hood, if Jake is deployed.

Thank goodness that the Army is going to be moving our furniture and other home necessities, because I'm pretending that this is all just one REALLY long vacation/road trip. That's the only way I've been able to wrap my mind around it all. When I try to sit down and contemplate that we, possibly, will be moving all the way to Texas, to find out Jake's being deployed right off, and the girls and I turn around and move back to Oregon, all in less than a month, I begin to TWITCH and HYPERVENTILATE.

I have really mixed feelings about when I want Jake to be deployed. Initially, I want him to be home for at least 4 to 6 months, because I miss him and want to spend time with him as a family. But, if Jake were deployed immediately, we would be able to pay off the credit cards, the car and Jake's student loans, this next year. Then, when he gets home, we're basically debt free, short of the condo.

So, my HOPE is that, once we find out Jake's unit, we'll be able to find out that his deployment date is at least 2 to 3 months away. Then, we can have some family time together before he's gone again, and still be able to pay off our debts by the end of next year.

Here's to hoping...

more catch up...

The end of May, the whole month of June and the beginning of July were super crazy. It started with my Aunt Val coming to visit. Then we headed down to Salt Lake City for Tate's baby blessing. Then, the girls and I, headed down to Las Vegas for most of June. I went down to Fort Huachuca for the Fourth of July weekend to spend some time with Jake. Then, We headed back up to Oregon, so we could be here in time for my cousin Crista's visit from the middle to the end of July.

 While my Aunt Val was here we spent most of our time at her house on the coast.

Then, with Aunt Val in tow, my mom, my dad and the girls and I headed down to Salt Lake City, for the baby blessing.

The first night we got there, I headed over to Megan and Jared's house for a little get together. It was so nice to catch up with old friends and for the kids to get to know each other again.

The next day was more about relaxing. Peter and the older kids came over to swim. I'm really glad I brought all of our floaties, they were a big hit!

After swimming around all morning, the girls and I headed down town to Nadia's wedding reception.

Lizzi kept trying to steal the spotlight. She found a bunch of other little kids to run around with.

Just as I was getting ready to leave, Marissa walks in with her new hubby. I was so glad that I hadn't left yet! It was like a mini- roommate reunion!

I don't have too many pics from our trip to Vegas. My memory card ran out of memory.

Went to visit with Megan & Jared and Jenny & Nate in St. George.

catch up again...

After Jake's Basic Training Graduation, Mike, Dennise, Erin and Staci came up for a visit. It was lots of fun! They had gotten a family suite up in Woodburn, so the girls and I could come and stay with them while they were here. It was like a mini vacation for the girls and I too.

We went to Silver Creek Falls, so the girls could run and play.

And to the Coast for a little shopping.

We had to go to Mo's for some of their AMAZING clam chowder!!

catch up time...

Ok, so it's been a few months and  A LOT has happened. First of all Jake graduated from Basic Training, at Fort Jackson. The girls and I flew across country, to spend those few days with him, before he headed to Fort Huachuca fot Advance Individual Training. It was really nice, once we got there. The traveling part was insane! If you've ever traveled with little kids you understand. I was almost certifialbe by the end of it all. I think the only thing that saved me was the new found knowledge of USO's. So wonderful!! I really appreciate ALL the volunteers that help to provide this service for Military Members and their Families.

Back to Jake's graduation. The girls and I took a red-eye to Newark, NY. And then, headed to Charlotte, NC, because it was like $400 cheaper than flying into Columbia, SC, which is the city right next to Fort Jackson.

I had to make my way around, juggling both the girls and our carry-on bags. Which was not too bad. Once we landed and I had to add in our checked bags and the 2 car seats, that's when it got REALLY BAD! I was carrying Maddi in one arm, had the diaper bag over my sholder, then my backpack, had the car seats barely balanced on the roller bag and did my best to keep Lizzi, who was tired and crying, close behind.

We FINALLY made it to the car rental counter, after passing right by it and ending up down at the other end of the hall from it. Oh well, we got there and they put us on the shuttle and got us our car. We then had a 4 hour drive down to Georgia, to visit with Maggie, Lillie and Gayle.

The drive was preety nice. The girls fell asleep almost right away and the radio stations were pretty clear most of the way. Once, we arrived at Maggie's house, I basically crashed on the bed. We then had a little birthday party for Lizzi. Complete with presents and cake and ice cream. Of course Lizzi didn't want anything to do with the cake or the ice cream, but the rest of enjoyed it.

Then we headed back to Columbia, SC and to our hotel. When I go into Check-in, they tell me that because there were problems with clearing the funds on my credit card, they couldn't hold the room, a 1 bedroom and a sitting room suite, that I had reserved 2 months earlier, for me. The only thing they had that was a available was the large 1 room suite. I was not happy at all, but what could I do? It was already 10 pm and I was exhausted and had to be up at 5 am for Family Day. I got all our bags upstairs and we all fell asleep.

Family Day was long. Jake told me to be there super early, so I could go through all the security at the gate. Which ended up me giving them my Family Day/Graduation Pamphlet and them handing me my pass. I was actually the FIRST person there for Family Day. We drove to field, getting lost on the way, but that's the fun part, right?

I tried to let the girls sleep for as long as possible, in the car. We headed over to the stands about 7 am. We still had about 2 hours until the ceremony would start, but I wanted to get a good seat. I ended up moving anyways, right before the ceremony, because I thought I'd be able to see better somewhere else. Which ended up getting me in the end, because my first seat was right next to the ramp that would take us down to the field, where we met up with our soldiers. And I had moved MUCH further away from that ramp. So, when it came time to head down it took me 5x's as long to get down there to find Jake.

Just moments before they let us go down to meet our soldiers, they tell us about the no PDA while a soldier in uniform rule. But, it didn't apply for the next hour on the field that day. I was a little upset, but again, what could I do?

It took me a while to find Jake. I was searching for a soldier in a sea of camouflage. It was starting to get hot, so we headed to the car.

Our first stop was to the PX. It was insanely busy! Like Wal-Mart on Black Friday. Our next stop was to find food. But that was even worst. Every place we went had a line just to get into the parking lot. We were starving by the time we finally stopped at the Burger King. It took another hour to order and get our food. INSANE!! Once we ate, we spent most of the rest of Family day driving around. It was too hot to really be outside and all the inside activities were supre crowded.

It was nice just to be able to talk again. The girls slept and Jake and I caught up with eachother and made plans for Graduation Day.

Graduation Day, we tried to be proactive. I didn't even go to the ceremony, because we thought that it would be better for me to get in line to sign Jake out. Which it turned out that I didn't even need to do any signing out. I could have just waited in the car.

The rest of the day we spent at the hotel. We just wanted to spend time together as a family. We tried to go swimming at the pool, but that didn't go too well. It was an indoor pool that was not heated! They had the AC on and a freezing cold pool!!! I know it was May in South Carolina, but come on. Oh well, we went back upstairs and watched cartoons.

Jake had to be back on-post at 5 am the next morning, so we made it an early night. The next day, we dropped Jake off at his Company, and went back to the hotel to sleep for a few more hours before we had to leave for Charlotte.

The trip home was much longer. we had a 5 hour layover in Newark. But, we made it home ok. All the traveling almost made it not worth it to go, almost. I'm really mad myself for not getting a family pic at Fort Jackson, but oh well. I guess we'll live :)