hurry up and WAIT!!!

I'm crouching at the starting line of the race. I can feel the excitement filling my entire body, tension building through my legs, my feet begin to shake with anticipation, and my ears strain to be the first to hear them yell, "GO". It's intense!
That's how I've felt for the last few days. We're so close and yet so far away.

We still have a week until we leave for Las Vegas, another week before Jake's graduation, and then at least another week before we find out which unit Jake's going to be in and ultimately find out his deployment dates.

I've never had to be SO open to someone else deciding my future. I've always had at least the next 6 months planned(whether or not what I had planned was what actually happened was a whole nother story). But, I at least could plan that far in advance. Now, I have nothing. I have know idea what's going to happen next.

I'm a planner. I like to be able to pretend to have an idea of what's going to happen. A general idea of what to expect and then you can bring on the unexpected and the spontaneous. I don't mind changing the plan, but I want to have a plan to start with. I want to make sure I don't forget anything or make more needless work for me.

I hate that I'm having to pack up everything, because I have no idea when I'll be back!

I guess this is my lot in life...to learn to go with the flow...to be willing to allow myself to be surprised once in a while. Jake says that's the hardest thing he's ever tried to do, is surprise me, because I always have to know what's going on and ask too many questions. (I blame my Aunt Tammy for the last one. She told me to start asking lots of questions, and I guess I never stopped :))

I don't know why it's so hard for me to relinquish control. I actually like being surprised. I'm weird like that I guess. I'm an walking contradiction.

That reminds me of a way my brother described me once, a "conservative-hippie".

Like I said, I'm a walking contradiction :)

Oh well, what doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger.

Something tells me, that all of this is preparing me for a much BIGGER challenge later.

So here's to smiling and making the most of this crazy life that I'm living. I hope I learn how to truly enjoy the ride and find pleasure in the journey.

I can definitely say, my life is not boring :)