30 Days of Truth Challenge : Day 9

Day 9

Someone you didn't want to let go; you just drifted.

It's sad when this happens. One minute you are constantly together and the next you're asking yourself, "Whatever happened to so-and-so?"

This seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life. I've had many friends that I have lost contact with, because life happened and we had other things taking up our time.

The one person that this happens the most with is my long time, and I mean a long time, best friend Sienna. We've known each other since we were 3. Just about the only friend that I remotely kept in touch with after we moved from Texas to Oregon.

Over the years we've drifted apart and gotten back in touch and drifted apart and then back in touch. I think that if it were not for our mothers being friends and keeping in touch themselves, we might have lost each other years ago.

We actually had been doing pretty good about keeping in touch, once we were both in college. We would email each other a few times a month to catch up. We even planned and went on a trip to NYC to see the sites and to go to a Broadway Play. Sienna was even the Maid of Honor in my wedding. But, after the wedding, I got busy with paying the bills and having kids and never seemed to have the time to catch up with catching up.

I blame myself for the bulk of it, because I never made the time to call her or email her. I would think about it and then say I'd do it later.

I think the Lord has more friendship left here, because now I'm living back in Texas, just an hour or so away from her.

So, what's keeping me from calling her and catching up?

Sadly, I'm worried about what to say. It's been over 4 years since we've talked or emailed or communicated in any way. I don't even know where to start. I guess I can do is call.

I think I'll give her a call....RIGHT NOW!!

30 Days of Truth Challenge

 

Day 1.)Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2.)Something you love about yourself.
Day 3.)Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4.)Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5.)Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6.)Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7.)Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8.)Someone who made your life heck, or treated you horrible.
Day 9.)Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10.)Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11.)Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12.)Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13.)A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14.)A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15.)Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16.)Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17.)A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18.)Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19.)What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20.)Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21.)(scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22.)Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23.)Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24.)Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25.)The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26.)Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27.)What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28.)What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do.
Day 29.)Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30.)A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

30 Days of Truth Challenge : Day 8

Day 8

Someone who made your life heck, or treated you horrible.

This was kind of interesting to think about, because there have been a few people that have treated me poorly, but none stand out enough in my mind to really write about. And to be totally honest, no one has ever had that much control over my life, other than me.

In that case, I would have to myself. I have made parts of my life heck and treated myself horrible, more than anyone else and over the silliest things.

I am my worst critic. I have had to work hard to allow myself to let things go. I have to remind myself that sometimes I need to just relax and enjoy the blessings in my life, because I have been extremely blessed. I have and amazing husband, who loves me, and two beautiful little girls, who love me as well.

I mean, who could ask for more?

I love my life, the good with the bad.

30 Days of Truth Challenge

Day 1.)Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2.)Something you love about yourself.
Day 3.)Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4.)Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5.)Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6.)Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7.)Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8.)Someone who made your life heck, or treated you horrible.
Day 9.)Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10.)Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11.)Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12.)Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13.)A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14.)A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15.)Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16.)Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17.)A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18.)Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19.)What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20.)Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21.)(scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22.)Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23.)Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24.)Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25.)The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26.)Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27.)What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28.)What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do.
Day 29.)Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30.)A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

30 Days of Truth Challenge : Day 7

Day 7

Someone who has made your life worth living for.

This was pretty easy...my hubby Jake, as well as our two sweet little girls, Lizzi and Maddi.

Those three are the light of my life!

Granted there are days that they drive me crazy, but then they give me their sweet, lovable smiles and all else is forgotten.

Jake has been my constant reminder that life is supposed to be fun and to be enjoyed, not just about cleaning the house and paying the bills. He is always trying to get me to relax and I have, a little. He's the first person I want to see when I wake up in the morning and the last one I kiss good night. He loves bringing me flowers. He even told me that was part of the reason he wanted to join the Army, so we would have the money for him to get me flowers whenever he wanted too. He loves making me happy. He gets annoyed with me when I ruin his surprises for me, by asking too many questions. That's part of the whole relaxing thing he's been trying to get me to do.

Lizzi, is my sweet little princess or dragon or puppy or fairy or whatever she has decided to be that day. She loves learning new things and doing those things on her own. She'll say, "No Mama. 'et go. I do it." She's also a protective big sister. When we would go to the store and anyone even looked at Maddi, Lizzi would say, "NO! MY BABY!" I love the way she says I love you, "I too, mama!" She also takes care of mommy. When she sees me upset, she'll run her hand along the side of my face and ask, "Mama, why sad?" And I always get a big hug and kiss to make me feel better.

Maddi, is my little sweet pea. As a matter of fact, when she was a little baby, she looked just like Sweet Pea from Popeye the Sailor Man. She's my cuddle buddy. She loves climbing under the covers and having me pull her in close, while I work on the computer or we're watching TV. She loves getting into EVERYTHING, especially electronics. If it has buttons, she wants to play with it. I wish I had a recording of the way she says, "ok," because it's just in this little, whatever you say mommy, tone. I also love her hugs and kisses. Especially now that she doesn't try to eat my face when I ask for a kiss. Sometimes, she'll get this mischievous little smile on her face makes you want to laugh and make you worried about what she thinks she going to do.

I'm sure that even if I didn't have Jake , Lizzi or Maddi, I'd still be living my life. but, then it would just be boring. They make me special. Because who else can look at them and say, "That's my husband and those are my two beautiful little girls!"

30 Days of Truth Challenge

Day 1.)Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2.)Something you love about yourself.
Day 3.)Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4.)Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5.)Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6.)Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7.)Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8.)Someone who made your life heck, or treated you horrible.
Day 9.)Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10.)Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11.)Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12.)Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13.)A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14.)A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15.)Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16.)Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17.)A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18.)Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19.)What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20.)Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21.)(scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22.)Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23.)Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24.)Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25.)The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26.)Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27.)What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28.)What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do.
Day 29.)Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30.)A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

30 Days of Truth Challenge : Day 6

DAY 6

Something you hope you never have to do.

This one actually didn't take that much time to think about, because I have already thought about it.

I hope I never have to become young widow.

Ever since Jake signed his contract, enlisting in the Army, the thought of losing him has been at the fore front of my mind.

People have told me, "It could happen even if he were not in the Army. He could be in a car accident or something like that." As well as the stories of the soldiers that live through the front lines and then get killed in a car accident after they get home.

That all being true, it doesn't change the fact that him being in the Army has heightened my awareness of how fragile our lives are, Jake's in particular.

We've taken all the cautionary measure we can to make sure that if anything were to happen, to either one of us, that we would be taken care of financially. But, there's not really any way to prepare for the emotional toll. There was a brief conversation, if you can call it that, of remarrying. And, we've talked about how we would want things to be handled as far as our extended family is concerned.

Honestly, I don't know if I could get remarried if anything happened to Jake. I tease him, saying, "You're the only one that can handle all of my craziness." Truthfully though, I don't know if I could love another as much as I love Jake. He understands everything about me. We've never had any secrets, even from when we first started dating. We can be completely comfortable with each other, because we are best friends.

But, the reasons for me fearing the loss of my loving husband is not just for me, it's for our two little girls as well. I would feel a huge responsibility to make sure they knew how amazing their father was. That he made it his purpose in life to make us happy, no matter what it cost him. That's why Jake enlisted, because he wanted me to be able to stay at home with our children, because he knew how important that was to me. He wanted me to be happy.

What will be, will be and all we can do is make the darn lemonade out of the lemons we get from it all.

30 Days of Truth Challenge

Day 1.)Something you hate about yourself.

Day 2.)Something you love about yourself.
Day 3.)Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4.)Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5.)Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6.)Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7.)Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8.)Someone who made your life heck, or treated you horrible.
Day 9.)Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10.)Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11.)Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12.)Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13.)A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14.)A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15.)Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16.)Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17.)A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18.)Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19.)What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20.)Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21.)(scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22.)Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23.)Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24.)Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25.)The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26.)Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27.)What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28.)What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do.
Day 29.)Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30.)A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

30 Days of Truth Challenge : Day 5

 Day 5

Something you hope to do in your life.

Where to begin...there are so many to choose from.

I guess I'll start with the things that I used to hope would happen and now have.

I remember, when I was about 4 or 5,going to a mother-daughter activities for Girls Scouts(yes I was a girls scout). At one point they had us sitting in a circle, on the floor, with our moms and asked us to go around and say what we wanted to be when we grew up. There were the usual, ballet dance, astronaut, doctor, lawyer and so on. And then they got to me...and I looked at my mom and said, " I want to be a mom when I grow up."

The response what very different from what I had expected. They laughed at me, well other than my mom. Then the leader said, "That's not a career. Anyone can be a mom." She asked me to pick something else, so I said a teacher and they moved on.

But, that had always stuck with me.

I have since realized that the world had, and still does, put a high expectation on women to "have it all." To be the CEO and the Soccer Mom, while looking like a super model all the while.

And, as a 4 or 5 year old, I was laughed at for not wanting to have a career outside the home.

As I prepared for my High School Graduation, I watched all my friends reading up on the best schools for their career choice and filling out a pile of applications, just hoping that 1 would accept them. I, on the other hand, didn't know what to do with myself. Nothing interested me enough, to commit 4 years of my life studying for.

So what did I do?

I did what my mom said, and applied to the one school she would be willing and able to pay the tuition.

- The LDS Business College -

I figured I could get my General Studies out of the way and figure out what I wanted to do later. Well, later came and graduation drew near and I still didn't know what "career" I wanted to pursue.

Lucky for me, there was another option, one that would give me more time. A mission for our Church.

I prayed about it and felt like that's what I needed to do, prepare to go on a mission. Key word there prepare, because I never went. I met and married my husband instead.

And, since the wedding, I have become what I had longed hoped to be, a...

 {mom}

So, what's left for me?

(other than live a long happy life with my husband and children and be there when my children marry and have children)

~ I hope to travel the world. See all the great sites, one in particular, the Milan Cathedral. I studied it in the art history class I took in high school, and fell in love with it. i want to see the Great Wall of China, Big Ben, the Tasmahal, the Amazon, the Pyramids, Tuscany. I want to experience the cultures and foods.

~ I hope to live in our own house for more than a year

~ I hope my body to be as toned, if not more so, as I was before I had my two beautiful girls. But, that may not happen and that's ok :)

~ I hope to go on a second honeymoon with my husband, since I got sick on our first and we had to come home early :P

~ I hope that, through the years, I will still be as crazy as I am now.

~ I hope that I can still be as in love with my husband as the day I first said the words, "I love you," to him.

~ And, I think the most of all...I hope I will always be a strong and faithful member of the one true church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

30 Days of Truth Challenge

Day 1.)Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2.)Something you love about yourself.
Day 3.)Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4.)Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5.)Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6.)Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7.)Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8.)Someone who made your life heck, or treated you horrible.
Day 9.)Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10.)Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11.)Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12.)Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13.)A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14.)A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15.)Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16.)Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17.)A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18.)Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19.)What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20.)Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21.)(scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22.)Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23.)Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24.)Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25.)The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26.)Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27.)What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28.)What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do.
Day 29.)Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30.)A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

30 Days of Truth Challenge : Day 4

Day 4

Something you need to forgive someone for.

This is a tricky one. When I was thinking about it, I didn't want to feel like I was calling someone out on their sins against me. I also didn't want to make it something generic, like the guy that cut me off in traffic.

As I was thinking about whom I need to forgive, I got to thinking, how am I doing on forgiving others in general. I think I do a pretty good job at forgiving those that cross my way. I try not to let little misunderstandings get in the way of what could be a wonderful friendship. But, I do tend to hold on to some grudges. Some that really had nothing to do with anything. And, the sad thing is when you miss out on years of happy moments because of one that was so insignificant, you can't even remember what it was.

I actually lost complete contact with with one of my best friends for over 3 years, because we couldn't get passed something. I don't even think either of us knew what it was, but it was enough to almost end our friendship completely. Thankfully, through mutual friends we were able to reconnect and end whatever it was that had come between us. Sadly, we couldn't get back all those lost moments, but hopefully that will make all the new moments that much more special.

Now, to the task at hand. There is one person that is in need of my forgiveness, even though they haven't actually done anything wrong. On the contrary, their actions were made out of love and concern for me.

I am very sad to say that I have not forgiven my husband, Jake, for joining the Army and essentially leaving me alone.

But, the only reason he join the Army was so that he could provide for our family on his own. It was the only way he could find for us to get beyond living from paycheck to paycheck and payoff our debts.

And all I could do was see that I was being left alone.

I guess I should fill you in with a little back story.

When Jake and I were dating, the topic of the Army as a career for him came up quite a few times. I didn't want to be an Army Wife. I had already seen the lonely side of it, when I lived with my sister, while her husband was deployed. So, I told Jake, it was either the Army or me. Evidently, he chose me. But, the topic never really went away. It always seemed to come up.

Long story short, I finally gave in and Jake enlisted. But, even with all the wonderful benefits of better health care, more money and less stress about money, I still held a grudge that he had "left" me.

I have had to realize that this is just as hard on him as it is on me, if not more so. Because, I get to be home with our family and watch our children grow, while he his sitting out there waiting just to be able to call us in between orders.

I love Jake so much and can hardly stand being apart from him. So much so, that somehow, I made him out to be the one that faulted. When in reality I have been the one.

(the following is to my loving husband Jake)

I am so sorry Honey. And, I know it will be a few weeks before you have a chance to read this, but I am so sorry that I allowed myself to create this barrier between us. Please forgive me for every time I threw it in your face that you were the one that wanted to join the Army. I love you so much and can't wait for the day you are in my arms again.

30 Days of Truth Challenge

Day 1.)Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2.)Something you love about yourself.
Day 3.)Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4.)Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5.)Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6.)Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7.)Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8.)Someone who made your life heck, or treated you horrible.
Day 9.)Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10.)Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11.)Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12.)Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13.)A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14.)A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15.)Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16.)Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17.)A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18.)Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19.)What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20.)Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21.)(scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22.)Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23.)Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24.)Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25.)The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26.)Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27.)What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28.)What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do.
Day 29.)Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30.)A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

30 Days of Truth Challenge : Day 3

Day 3

Something you have to forgive yourself for.

There are so many things. I literally have a list of different events or moments, that takes turns popping up in my head and reminding me of how far from perfect I am.

But, I guess the biggest thing I have to continually forgive myself is opportunities lost. Not being prepared or willing to take advantage of gifts given to me. Or, for that matter, not recognizing them as gifts.

I have missed out on many things because I did think they were important at the time.

I guess all I can do at this point is forgive myself for those mistakes, try not to let opprotunities get passed me, and if it happens again...rinse and repeat ;)

30 Days of Truth Challenge

Day 1.)Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2.)Something you love about yourself.
Day 3.)Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4.)Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5.)Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6.)Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7.)Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8.)Someone who made your life heck, or treated you horrible.
Day 9.)Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10.)Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11.)Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12.)Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13.)A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14.)A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15.)Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16.)Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17.)A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18.)Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19.)What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20.)Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21.)(scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22.)Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23.)Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24.)Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25.)The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26.)Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27.)What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28.)What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29.)Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30.)A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

30 Days of Truth Challenge : Day 2

DAY 2

Something you love about yourself.

Talk about tooting your own horn.

This one has taken a lot of thought. I didn't want to just pick anything. I wanted it to be something that I truly love about myself and the person I have become.

And after all that thought, what did I come up with?

drum roll please...

...drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

... I love my ability to keep myself motivated.

When I fall down, I dust myself off and start again.

A glutton for punishment. Everything in my life, that is worth having, has come with a lot of up hill battles. And most of that is because I didn't read the signs and see that there was an easier way around.

I have my low moments, but I have always seemed to be able to find a little bit of silver lining in all the trials of my life.

Granted, I may not have seen them when they were going on, but I have learned to look for them.

Such as now, with Jake gone at training and soon leaving for deployment; I have to live without my best friend...my knight in shining armor.

I have had to learn how to be a wife and a single mom all in one. I know I haven't figured it all out yet, but I think that I've handled it pretty well so far.

I guess this is why I like running long distances so much. It's a test of endurance. A chance to challenge yourself. To see what you're made of.

I love the person that I have become, and the life that I lead...even if I do complain about it sometimes.

A few other things that I love about my self :

~ I love my hair, I know it's kind of weird, but I've always have loved everything about it. I love the color, the way it shines in the sun light. I even told my mom, when I was about 4, that I was going to grow my hair out and make her a beautiful golden blanket out of it for her...I also love my eyes, the way they change colors depending on what I'm wearing. It's like my own, personal mood ring.

~ I love my bubbly personality. Having to overcome my shyness, I have the ability to bring people out of their shells. I am able to act like a fool, so they can feel comfortable too. I actually was told by a guy, that I was interested in dating, that he couldn't date me, because I was too much of a "flirtatious ball of energy".

~ I love my testimony in Jesus Christ. It's always there for me. I grew up in the church, so I basically floated along on the testimony of those around me. That was until the fateful day that I had the burning knowledge for myself. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was just a few months before I was leaving for college and I was giving a talk in church. I got to the end, and started to say, "I know my redeemer lives." I stopped. And those words started spinning through my head. I literally was choked with emotion. I had the burning bosom and the feeling of a weight lifting off of me. At that moment, I knew, it was true. It was like there was light everywhere. Now, whenever something tries to shake my faith, I just remember that moment and it's like a renewal of spiritual energy.


I'm sure I could go on, but I think that's a pretty good way to end this one. :)

30 Days of Truth Challenge

Day 1.)Something you hate about yourself.

Day 2.)Something you love about yourself.

Day 3.)Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4.)Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5.)Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6.)Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7.)Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8.)Someone who made your life heck, or treated you horrible.
Day 9.)Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10.)Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11.)Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12.)Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13.)A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14.)A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15.)Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16.)Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17.)A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18.)Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19.)What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20.)Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21.)(scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22.)Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23.)Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24.)Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25.)The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26.)Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27.)What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28.)What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29.)Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30.)A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

30 Days of Truth Challenge

I was catching up on my blog-stalking and my friend Kayli, who's blog I love reading, had just started a series of blogs for what she called, "30 Days of Truth". As I read through her blog I found myself wondering what my responses would be to those questions and decided to give it a try.

Here's how it works, each day is listed accordingly and I post my response to the respectful inquiry for that day.

Day 1.)Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2.)Something you love about yourself.
Day 3.)Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4.)Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5.)Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6.)Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7.)Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8.)Someone who made your life heck, or treated you horrible.
Day 9.)Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10.)Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11.)Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12.)Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13.)A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14.)A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15.)Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16.)Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17.)A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18.)Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19.)What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20.)Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21.)(scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22.)Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23.)Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24.)Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25.)The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26.)Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27.)What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28.)What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29.)Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30.)A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Just a little qualifier or two...I do not mean to offend or upset anyone with these postings. I want to make it very clear that these are my beliefs and that's all that there is to them. You may feel differently, and that is just fine. I am not trying to push my beliefs onto anyone. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and their own beliefs. I'm trying to start a debate, I am just sharing myself with you one day at a time.

With that out of the way... here we GO!!

Day 1

Something you hate about yourself.

Well, in preparing for this, I started making a list in my head of possible choices. Wow, there are a lot of things about me that I don't like. Other than making me feel a little depressed, I realized the one thing that I hate the most about myself.

I compare myself to everyone.

Basically, if I've met you, spoken to you, looked at you; I've compared myself to you.

Now this may not seem like much, but throw in my competitive nature and we've got a recipe for disaster.

I have found myself being jealous of some of my best friends.

I set my expectations for myself so high and then tare myself down when I can't even come close.

There was a while, about a year, that I felt like I was doing pretty good. I had great friends, a great job, a nice little figure. I felt like I was meeting my goals and I had worked really hard to get to where I was at, but I still compared myself a little...

...and then I got married...

 ...and it was like I had to start all over again.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love my husband and my two beautiful little girls.

What I had to start over was liking me for me...

...the problem was I didn't know who I was anymore.

I went from single to dating to engaged to married to pregnant in less than a year. I haven't had a chance to get my footing in any of the roles I've played.

Leaving me wishing that I had done things differently. Perhaps, slower.

Wishing I had had a chance to enjoy the moments that seem to have flown by too quickly.

I see other people enjoying their lives. Doing things that I wish I could be doing. Spending time with their husbands. Reaching accomplishments with their children, that I had hoped to be able to reach with my children by now.

I just feel like a failure at my life.

I've had to put myself in check a few times and remind myself that not everything is as it seems.

But, to me, it feels like I'm missing out on something.

I guess I've always felt that way. The middle child syndrome, the fear of being overlooked. I'm worried that if I'm not up to snuff, people will forget about me and then I'll be alone. It doesn't help that we're constantly moving and I have to find new friends.

We lived in Las Vegas for 2 years and I didn't have a single friend there that was not related to my husband.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not a very out going person. I actually very shy by nature. What people see is years of practice. When I was about 13 or 14, I decided that if I wanted to be noticed that I had to put myself out there, at any cost. I forced myself to start talking. Saying what came to mind, even if it scared me to death to say it. I know that I have offended countless people doing this and I'm really sorry for that. Believe me, I think about my mistakes more often than I should.

And, all of this because I wanted to be one of the girls that the boys looked at. Funny that none of the boys started looking until I got to college.

I was 20 when I got my first kiss. But, that was definitely worth waiting for... Valentine's Day...standing under a street lamp...snow swirling around us...magical!
Too bad it wasn't with my hubby, that would have made it just that much better.

I still definitely have a lot to overcome with this, but hopefully this will help. You have to see the problem before you can fix it.

I do love my life. I wouldn't trade my husband or my two little girls with anyone. I just find myself looking over the fence way too often.