30 Days of Truth Challenge : Day 4

Day 4

Something you need to forgive someone for.

This is a tricky one. When I was thinking about it, I didn't want to feel like I was calling someone out on their sins against me. I also didn't want to make it something generic, like the guy that cut me off in traffic.

As I was thinking about whom I need to forgive, I got to thinking, how am I doing on forgiving others in general. I think I do a pretty good job at forgiving those that cross my way. I try not to let little misunderstandings get in the way of what could be a wonderful friendship. But, I do tend to hold on to some grudges. Some that really had nothing to do with anything. And, the sad thing is when you miss out on years of happy moments because of one that was so insignificant, you can't even remember what it was.

I actually lost complete contact with with one of my best friends for over 3 years, because we couldn't get passed something. I don't even think either of us knew what it was, but it was enough to almost end our friendship completely. Thankfully, through mutual friends we were able to reconnect and end whatever it was that had come between us. Sadly, we couldn't get back all those lost moments, but hopefully that will make all the new moments that much more special.

Now, to the task at hand. There is one person that is in need of my forgiveness, even though they haven't actually done anything wrong. On the contrary, their actions were made out of love and concern for me.

I am very sad to say that I have not forgiven my husband, Jake, for joining the Army and essentially leaving me alone.

But, the only reason he join the Army was so that he could provide for our family on his own. It was the only way he could find for us to get beyond living from paycheck to paycheck and payoff our debts.

And all I could do was see that I was being left alone.

I guess I should fill you in with a little back story.

When Jake and I were dating, the topic of the Army as a career for him came up quite a few times. I didn't want to be an Army Wife. I had already seen the lonely side of it, when I lived with my sister, while her husband was deployed. So, I told Jake, it was either the Army or me. Evidently, he chose me. But, the topic never really went away. It always seemed to come up.

Long story short, I finally gave in and Jake enlisted. But, even with all the wonderful benefits of better health care, more money and less stress about money, I still held a grudge that he had "left" me.

I have had to realize that this is just as hard on him as it is on me, if not more so. Because, I get to be home with our family and watch our children grow, while he his sitting out there waiting just to be able to call us in between orders.

I love Jake so much and can hardly stand being apart from him. So much so, that somehow, I made him out to be the one that faulted. When in reality I have been the one.

(the following is to my loving husband Jake)

I am so sorry Honey. And, I know it will be a few weeks before you have a chance to read this, but I am so sorry that I allowed myself to create this barrier between us. Please forgive me for every time I threw it in your face that you were the one that wanted to join the Army. I love you so much and can't wait for the day you are in my arms again.

30 Days of Truth Challenge

Day 1.)Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2.)Something you love about yourself.
Day 3.)Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4.)Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5.)Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6.)Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7.)Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8.)Someone who made your life heck, or treated you horrible.
Day 9.)Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10.)Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11.)Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12.)Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13.)A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14.)A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15.)Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16.)Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17.)A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18.)Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19.)What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20.)Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21.)(scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22.)Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23.)Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24.)Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25.)The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26.)Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27.)What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28.)What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do.
Day 29.)Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30.)A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.